Polygyny is harder on the men.

By Sulaiman Olayinka Saddiq

We’ve so much entertained the wrong misconception that polygyny is easy for men that it has now become a norm in the public space today.

How is polygyny easy on men when everything he does when he is with a wife will now double or more when he adds.

For one, if he earns 5 naira before, he now must look for ways and means to increase the IGR to accommodate the addition. In fact, if the 5 naira cannot increase, it then must not decrease because you now have more to cater for.

Whatever shelter he is putting the new wife will be furnished and set to some extent. God bless him if the shelter is not close to that of the other wife/ves, he has to shuffle himself between the houses and still go to his own work.

Before, he has just one in law, now the in law has increased and the goodness to them has also increased. The urgent 2k and occasional gifts to in laws will also be in plurals.

The tarbiyah classes he holds with just one wife will now be with two or more. Oh, we forget they are not staying together which means he has to hold them differently – more reading and studying for him.

His logical and thinking capacity must increase because he is now dealing with two or more beings who are totally different in actions and understanding.

In fact, even the intimacy we gleefully praise as an advantage requires strength and wellbeing – something he must have and use optimally. No one cares where he gets it from.

He spends more money, spend more time, spend more efforts, works more to earn. has to think more when situation arises. In all of these, he get stressed and exhausted more.

And the must evaluate himself almost every time to be sure he is not being unjust to any of them. He spends more time ensuring he is fair to be best of his abilities.

I’ve not even mentioned the children and emotional instability the man will go through when they get sick or requires attention.

Not to forget that he is not expected to have any off-day in the marriage.

If you still have the archaic thinking or notion that the reason men marry more is because they want to have “fruit salads” then you need to work more on yourself and thinking process.

And if in your own big head, the only thing you can think of is “who send him?” then your matter is beyond the ordinary.

Polygyny is hard on women, but it is not easy on the men either. May Allaah bless the men in it and forgive them in their errors. Aameen